Just an Excuse...
...to put a picture of Johnny Depp on my website.
And to share some gems from the masterpiece that is Tim Burton's update on Alice in Wonderland. Just brilliant!
Mad Hatter: "Have I gone mad?"
Alice: "I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are."
Mad Hatter, to Alice: "You used to be much more 'muchier'. You've lost your 'muchness'."
Alice: "How's this for 'muchness'?"
Alice: "This is impossible!"
Mad Hatter: "Only if you believe it is. "
The Squeeze of My Life
My March round of chemo came just after my return from traveling, so the down time was almost a welcome relief, even if I didn't feel so hot for a week or so. When it was over, I started to exercise again, even rode a horse a few times. (Woot!) I was even thinking about teaching some riding lessons. Getting into a routine felt normal, and I've been craving some normalcy for so long. It's spring, after all, the perfect time to start making some plans!
Then it was time for my April (this week's) round of chemo. The day before I was to start, I told my brother, "I'm not even nervous this time! This one will be easy, I just know it."
Easy. I said it. And I believed it. But easy it was not. It's been a rough week. Chemo was as bad as I remembered it, if not even just a smidge yuckier this time.
I spent most of the week that I was not in bed in a puddle on the couch. Just pouring myself from one horizontal surface to the next. Catching my breath on the toilet every time I had walk to the bathroom. Spending a lot - too much - time reflecting on the absence of normal in my life. The absence of normal in Boyfriend's life, too.
Then I went to my Cancer Support group last night, and the evening's focus was the caregivers and significant others of the cancer patients and survivors. "Cancer Couples Night", if you will.
Boyfriend and I shared our two cents about how hard we've worked over the last year to find our way in the maze that is brain cancer, unemployment, and Medi-Cal. And despite all of our hard work and effort, sometimes it seems like it will never end. And we listened every other couples' story, and realized, They're doing it. We're doing it. And suddenly the only feeling I had left was amazed, awestruck gratitude for the man sitting to my left, squeezing my hand as we talked. My teammate. Squeezing my hand as we listened. My biggest fan. Squeezing my hand and wiping my tears when I cried. My superhero.
Thank you, Eric, for showing me how to love and be loved. You are the squeeze of my life.
Sweet Baby James
When I was back in Illinois last month, the timing of my visit allowed me to attend a baby shower for Boyfriend's brother (Kurt) and sister-in-law (Isabel) - a.k.a. Kurtabel. (What? It's waaaay better than Isaburt!) My first real, live, Polish baby shower was quite the experience, and I was thrilled to get to spend some time with Boyfriend's family. My Mom got to come, too, giving her an opportunity to meet the whole Chowanski clan for the first time. Grandma Chowanski, too. It was great.
So baby Kurtabel has recently set the tone for what we already know about the rest of the Chowanskis - they do things their own way, in their own time.
James Willoughby Chowanski was due May 18, but entered the world nearly a month and a half early, on April 7, 2010. And this little guy is running his own show, with Kurt proudly declaring (with a typical Chowanski chuckle), "He's screaming, all on his own! All four and a half pounds of him!"
Welcome, sweet baby James. Congratulations, Kurtabel. Thank you, Chowanskis, for letting me be a part of your family.
More pictures from the shower here.
Homecoming
I've been trying to write this post for over three weeks now, but it's the post that never ends (Yes, it goes on and on, my friend...). Edit after edit, the message had become infinitely convoluted, and I'd become increasingly frustrated. So I scrapped the whole thing and started over.
I'll get straight to the point, because the message is very simple: Thank you, everybody, for an amazing visit back home. I had so much fun! I love you and miss you very much. I am overwhelmed by your love and support, as always, and I can't wait to see you again. When the weather's warmer.
And if pictures are worth a thousand words, well, then my work is done, because here's the link to the photo gallery. Enjoy! I know I did...
Where in the World is Girlbert?
Here I am! Not writing has been killing me, with so little space in my head for remembering!
Boyfriend had sailing work in Southern California and Mexico for most of February. My oncologist almost fell out of his chair laughing when I asked. "Mexico? That would be a NO." I sort of need a babysitter, so we decided I would go stay with friends and family while he was working.
So off the midwest I went. My first stop was St. Louis, to visit my friend Kari.
Kari is one of my oldest horse friends. And I'm not talking about her age, because we're only a year apart. But I've known Kari since the fourth grade, that would be twenty-four years, which is a long time in horse years. We took lessons at the same riding stable in North Aurora, Illinois. We grew up riding and showing Saddlebred horses together in Illinois, Iowa and Wisconsin. She came to my graduation from William Woods University in Fulton, MO. We were in each other's weddings.
Then I was out of touch. Recently, her old horse Bubba passed away and we got back in touch. When Kari suggested that I make St. Louis the first leg of my three-week tour, I jumped at the chance. I had yet to meet her daughter, Ella (she's six already!), and her new horses, Rooty and Thumper.
Kari and I didn't miss a beat, riding horses, talking horses, breathing horses. (Thanks for putting up with us, Dave!) The only thing that has changed is the addition of the fascinating, profound combination of Kari and Dave that is their daughter, Ella. Nice to meet you, young lady.
We even took a road trip (sans the 80s music - damn broken iPod!) to Farmington, MO to see another couple of dear friends - Andy Amsden and my old horse, Amy. She looks fabulous and happy, and clearly remembered me. I can still see her expression as she touched my arm gently with her nose (Mom!... touch...You're... touch...here!... touch....), just like she always did. I love you, too, girlie. Thank you, Andy, for taking such great care of my girl!
We finished up our five days of good 'ol equine-saturated bliss with a drive up north into Illinois, meeting my parents halfway. We had lunch, tearful goodbyes, then my parents took me the rest of the way to their house in Aurora, IL. On Kari's birthday, no less. Thanks for sharing your day with me, Kari. Thanks for everything.
Let's do it again soon, 'kay?
Further midwest adventures coming soon!
Back on the wagon - six miles on the bike and big glass of fruit/veggie juice for dinner! A huge weight has been lifted and my mind is clear. Healthy mind, healthy body!
