Why is is that we don't appreciate the things we have until they are gone?
Ugh - my horse is gone. To cut back expenses, I gave her away, and she's gone already. I could cry for at least a week over everything about which I'm sad or angry. But I don't. I get up each day, determined to believe that it will get better. That I'll recover from this year of my life. That I can get past all of this anger, sadness and grief. That I will be able to really recognize just how lucky I am. I have a boyfriend who loves me. I still have my grumpy old men, Reggie and Stevie. And Amy will be back, she's just going off to college for a while...
The weather cleared up here in California just in time for her departure, I was able to ride her the three days in a row before she left. I came home after the first of those rides, and lamented, "Why is it that I'm finally clicking with my horse, now that she's leaving in a few days?"
To which my brilliant boyfriend responded, "Because you only have a few days. You've had five years to learn how to ride her, and now that she's leaving, you will."
Love you, Ames. I know we've done our share of head-butting over the years, but I've never known a horse to teach me so much. There were times when I thought of you as my angry teenage daughter, thinking, "What happened to my baby girl?" I'm sorry I wasn't always open to the lesson, the hard-headed mother that I am. I have always expected a lot of you, and I know that was hard to take sometimes. You are my mirror, you are my soulmate. You be good, and I'll be back.
Smooches and hugs, Mom