Okay, I admit it. Yesterday, I was way depressed. The calendar had turned over into October, and I realized: 2010 is three-quarters over. I must write something - I only have three months to catch up on most of a year of not writing as much as I'd wanted all year! How's that for a glass-half-empty kinda 'tude?
Panicked over the thought of providing my readers with another month of not much, I'd cleared my schedule with the intention to write. And not just anything, but something INSPIRED. Something GREAT. SOMETHING TO WRITE HOME ABOUT! I'd finally made the time, and... nothing. At. All. Just staring at a blank, white text box on my super-deluxe-widescreen. Blink, blink. Struggling to flow was having exactly the opposite effect. As it always does. I was left with no choice, but to abandon the effort. Start fresh tomorrow, Girlbert.
This morning I was determined not to let it happen again. No expectations, combined with some good music, and a couple of cups of COFFEE, have my fingers dancing around the keyboard like a gay chorus line! Yay for COFFEE! And TALKING HEADS! HAPPY OCTOBER, EVERYBODY!
Sorry - I'll reel it in a notch...
So, October really is my favorite month of the year, and I want to sincerely welcome everyone to the month in which Girlbert was put onto this earth, 34 years ago. And I want to make sure that those who are interested realize how grateful I am to have enjoyed another year on this planet, even while feeling as though the battle was uphill some most of the way. I guess if the earth were flat, my calves wouldn't be nearly as defined, would they?
But back to my point - freaking out about not being inspired to write whilst feeling obligated to provide content is really not the point of this website, now is it? I was reminded of this earlier this week, when a friend emailed me to tell me how inspiring I am. I wrote back to tell her thank you, but I certainly wasn't feeling very inspired at the moment. She replied: "I know, I get the same way, too - but we shouldn't write unless we're feeling it." Ding ding! This website won't inspire anyone, unless the writer is inspired.
Which reminds me of something I read earlier this year: "Are you a human being, or a human doing?" Most people DO spend their time DOING things: rushing from place to place, checking things off their all-important "To-DO" List. When the point of life is to BE. Be in the moment. Be present. Just BE.
Ah, so, do I practice what I preach? Nearly never. Especially now that I have the ability, finally, to DO. With the reinstatement of my driver's license, in particular, I can actually get myself places and DO things.
So this week of frustration and self-imposed anxiety brought with it the realization that I really need to get back to BEING. Straight away! Chop-chop! I mean, Om...
I'd like to promise that I'll be posting more often, now that I've been reminded the importance of doing what I love, which is writing, creating, and being. But I can't, because despite the fact that I know how important it is to BE, I still have much to DO. As the work week begins, I'll be hitting the ground running with many items on the Girlbert Schedule: blood tests, an MRI (Tuesday, positive vibes are being accepted now!), an appointment with my oncologist to discuss aforementioned MRI, prescriptions to be called in, prescriptions to be picked up, and bills to pay (with what, I don't know).
But I'm going to make a greater effort to BE present, as I fit in some fun stuff, too: free painting and yoga classes at the Cancer Center, breakfast with my cancer girlfriends, biking with Boyfriend, and some hang-time with my horse.
It's still Sunday - plenty of time left to BE today. I think I'll brush up on the Art of Doing Nothing.
READERS: Please share your struggles with, or tips for, BE-ing in the comments. Any stories about being present or advice you have for those who can't stop 'doing', would be so greatly appreciated. I could use all the help I can get, and couldn't we all! Thank you in advance.