I Have This Rule...
Post:
...that I don't bitch and moan on this website. It's not that I'm trying to hide anything, it's just that I fully believe that there is an upside to everything. For every bad, there is a good. Even if the good is not visible on a given day, it's just ahead, I just have to be patient, or learn the lesson. Never mind that it''s generally far more healing for me to write about the positive than to dwell on negative.
But I've been really crabby and ungrateful - last week was a hell of a week in terms of medication and side effect adjustments. As in goodbye steroid-induced manic superwoman, hello and welcome back, Keppra-induced brain fog, headaches and fatigue.
So I was preparing a terrible, long-winded post about breaking my rule, insert bitching and moaning here, a little "poor me" on top, and just before hitting publish...
The mail arrived. With a package from someone I've never met in person, but who has become a good friend via email, Facebook and blogging since my diagnosis. Laurel Hermanson sent me a copy of her novel, Soft Landing, and a gift card to Trader Joe's. Wrapped in Girlbert-green paper, tied up in a shiny, brown bow. Oh, and a lovely card with a very touching sentiment. It made me laugh. It produced a smile from a face puffy and tear-streaked after days of hysterical unreasonableness (poor Boyfriend!) I wanted to run right up to Portland and hug her.
Someone I've never met. Wait - there are so many of you whom I've never met. And you send your positivity and love and well wishes and kind, generous gifts. And suddenly I remembered all the people and things I have to be grateful for.
Comments
Long distance hugs.
This may be the first time in my life I've prevented someone from complaining. Your blog is a ray of sunshine, whereas mine is a dark cloud with a silver lining. Your are clearly racking up better karma than I am! But if you want to bitch and moan, by all means, DO IT!
You look worn out. I wish I could take some of the yuck away. You stay put; I'll stretch my arms down there for a big hug.
XOXO
Laurel
grateful
Hey Lisa,
Nice post. I'm grateful to have met *you* this past week at our young adult support group. I'm in a chemo chair now and feelng inspired by your idea that bad stuff has an equal and opposite good side. I'm a Libra, so that idea appeals to me right away.
I hope you're continuing to feel okay and treat yourself well. Maybe even eat some of those yummy Robitaille's candy treats from Carp.
I hope we get to see each other again. Maybe you, sidekick Eric, and I can go for a walk sometime!
Smiles,
Allison
System Admin Sidekick
That's "system admin sidekick" eric to you, please. Our server (and Gilbert's laptop) have had some issues recently that required 'system administration' that have been not unlike the 'system admin' Girlbert's doctors are giving her. Our server recenty had a problem that bordered on user error - well, on the user setup, which is exactly how Girlbert feels about the tumor - she gave it to herself in some way.
Her laptop had an operating system issue with connecting to the 'net. Oh, and also intermitent seizing. The only thing to do was ditch the graphical desktop and issue a few system commands in a text console to reboot. Then we'd hope that it'd work for another day or so.
After a few months of 'wait and see' we decided that these problems needed fixing. The server problem took a bit of pain and effort but is now working. The laptop got a new operating system that's much more stable. It doesn't do video just yet, but it's a work in progress. Things have never looked better for us. For which we can thank the system admins.
The System Admin
Wait, you're a Libra, too?
I knew I liked you!
I'm so happy that you came by my website and it gave you a litlte lift for your treatment. Meeting you and the group this week gave me a boost, too. What goes around comes around, so they say.
Have a fabulous holiday season, looking forward to seeing you again soon. And I have been into the candies (delish!), so we should start scheduling those walks now...
Oh, and sidekick Boyfriend's such a nerd.
Can you come back to CSL?
I think you would get a lot support. Unless there is some reason you don't want to.
I am so glad you're back
I was a little panicked for a while, there. I have to admit, though, that I totally wanted to hear you bitch. Your post is delightful, and I love that you got the sweet gift that made your day and reminded you that we're all out here rooting for you (which we totally are. You have no idea how often I, who am a total stranger, think about you--I'm on here looking for you every day). But I still want to hear the bitching! You don't have to be happy all the time to maintain positivity. I believe you can admit you feel like crap sometimes and get on with it completely exclusive of your level of positivity. Just my personal "permission," if you will.
I, for one, want to know anything you feel like telling me. I'm curious. Partly for selfish reasons (Lloyd is behaving, but it's only a matter of time...), but really just because I care. I read your blog because I care about you and want to hear about your life.
I hope you are feeling better every day and that you and boyfriend have a wonderful holiday! I know this year has great things in store for you.
-Kristina
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